Laissez-Faire
by m-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing
Summary: "Let them live". When winter comes, so does the darkness, and with the darkness comes something much, much worse. When they find themselves falling, just not how they had ever imagined, can Connie and Rita manage to pick themselves up again before it's too late? Or will this gloomy winter never seem to end? May become Freechamp, TW for self harm and darker themes. Pic cred- Aster!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again dear people! I know I said I'd be taking a sabbatical until my exams finished in June, but I've had the title for this for ages with no actual plotline- then it came to me and I had to write it before I forgot xD So I thought I'd post it and see if you'd like me to continue sometime?! Please do let me know in the reviews and I hope you all like it :) -Sophie x**

 **(P.S- two exams down, 16 to go! Did great on English Language and RE and I hope any of you with exams are doing well too! Though if you are, get off here and go revise!)**

* * *

It was the middle of winter when Connie and Rita fell in love. Oh yes, they were both head over heels, madly throwing themselves into a clandestine love affair like none other they'd seen before. However, there was a slight snag. Yes, they had both fallen, fallen with no sign of stopping, only not with each other.

No.

They had fallen in love with death, "the notorious cloaked figure" himself. You see, with winter brought gloomy evenings, dark nights and solitary mornings, all of which the two women spent alone with only the silence for company. There was no-one there, nothing to distract them from their lives, their thoughts, their fears that descended on their minds like vultures with their prey, circling and circling before going in for the kill.

There was no-one, nothing to stop them from the darkness that seemed to penetrate their minds, creeping through their conscience like frost through a window pane, like a disease with intentions to kill, infecting every cell it came across with ruthless efficiency.

Each day was spent the same; wake in the dark, go to work in the dark, leave work in the dark, go home in the dark, think in the dark then finally go to bed in the dark. No matter how many bulbs they used, how many candles they lit or screens they turned on, nothing could rid the women from the blackness that suffocated them each second of each minute of each hour of each day.

And so this is where our story begins. One cold, crisp night on the streets of Holby, where the lampposts flickered and car lights flashed. But none of that could be seen by the brunette walking home with a bag of razors, and the blonde carrying a bag of clinking alcohol bottles.

This is where we lay our first scene, and I hope you will join me as we watch it play out…


	2. Chapter 2

**Update!**

 **This should be updated each Monday with a bit of luck, and you can check out when the others will be updated in my bio :D**

 **Hope you enjoy and reviews would be lovely! -Sophie x**

* * *

 _A blast of freezing cold air hit Connie like a slap to the face as she turned the corner and onto her road. She kept her head down and pulled her woolly hat over her ears, letting the wind trail its icy fingers through her hair as she trudged through the snow that had fallen that day, work bag firmly over one shoulder which she gripped tightly. Her other hand clutched a woven supermarket bag, concealing a shiny new pack of razors under a layer of coffee and newspapers._

 _Having no car was a nightmare; it was currently in the garage awaiting a new brake system, the old one of which had given up the previous week. This meant the clinical lead had swapped her heels for snow boots and walked the short way to the hospital and back instead._

 _This meant another hour or so a day she spent in silence. There was never anyone around when she walked to work, and she usually left so late there was no-one coming back either. Just the one solitary figure, battling against the cruel force of nature as she threw down her fury unto the world._

 _But this soldier was engaged in more than just one combat. A battle that went unseen by passers-by and un-noticed by her colleagues._

 _Since she joined Holby City's emergency department, Connie had lost all sense of friendship she once had. She never saw any of her old colleagues, her new ones didn't take to her in the slightest, and she didn't have anyone she'd label as a "friend" outside of work._

 _On top of that however, she'd lost all sense of family too. Her father had died, her mother was already gone and Grace was sent to live in America with Sam. That loss hit her hard; it knocked her confidence so much that she had toppled over, mental state crashing after her into millions of tiny shards and leaving the clinical lead in the most vulnerable state she had ever found herself in. Her thoughts became less of "I can, I will, I'm going to…" and more "I wish, what if, why…", leaving her mind reflecting the season's gloomy weather and her heart in the same state as her mental well-being._

 _Connie Beauchamp was engaged in a battle with herself, with her thoughts and her mind and her actions, and this led to rash decisions with disasteruous consequences, as you're sure to discover as our story goes on._

…

In a similar way is Holby's clinical nurse manager, our very own Rita Freeman. She too was walking to and from work, though that was a regular occurrence. She no longer owned a car; she had been caught drink driving too many times and had her license stripped from her. Instead the small blonde now walked, and she hated every minute of it, especially in winters like this. Her nose would go red, her ears would ache and she would go virtually numb from head to toe.

Though the latter she didn't seem to realise anymore. As soon as Mark was convicted, she knew she'd never be the same woman again, and that sparked her descent into what soon became a landslide with no signs of stopping. Things got very, very bad; each night would be spent drinking herself into a stupor, and each day trying to mask the insistent hangover that became a regular occurrence.

Each time she felt herself getting better, her mind beginning to see the sun through the clouds, something would come along and stir up a storm; in this case, it was Connie.

Rita had no idea what the clinical lead's problem was with her. All she seemed to do was get at her, biting at her conscience like a yappy little puppy, until she evoked some sort of reaction from the feisty blonde. However she was beginning to get to the end of her tether, her resistance crumbling and exhaustion growing. She no longer had any fight in her, and had begun to think more and more about stopping for a white wine in the pub near her street, or picking up some vodka on the way home- just something to brighten her day, something to look forward to.

This is where we find her now- hunched over from the wind carrying a blue plastic bag containing two clinking alcohol bottles. They repeatedly swung against her legs, as if a constant reminder of the sheer desperation that had led her to that shop, to that isle, to that shelf, and how weak and mentally exhausted the woman had become.


	3. Chapter 3

**Update!**

 **The thing is about this story; I have very little inspiration for it. Since I started "The body is a cruel mistress" most of my attention has been around that. I probably had a plot line when I started this but god knows what it is now! If you guys have any ideas then that would be great, but otherwise I might leave the updates for a bit until inspiration strikes :)**

 **I hope you enjoy anyway! -Sophie x**

 **TW- razors and alcohol.**

* * *

 _Connie stepped into her house and turned off the alarm, before locking her door and dumping her shoes and coat in the hallway. She made her way into the kitchen and unpacked her bag, her movements slowing when she picked up the silver bag of razors. Time seemed to stop as she held them; her heart began to beat louder and her fingers trembled._

 _This had been her way of release from a young age, though she managed to get clean after her 20's right up until she started in the ED. Things just got too much even for her to handle._

 _She looked down at them, her hair falling and covering her face as if to shield the world from her actions. Then, without even thinking about it, she turned and went upstairs._

 _The walk home had left her numb from the waist down, so she set the shower to hot before getting undressed. After turning on the music on her phone and putting it by the sink, Connie got into her bath tub and stood under the trickling water, letting it cascade over her body and seep into her skin, gently warning her up until she no longer felt like an icicle._

 _She reached out and picked up one of the small razors from the bag on the floor, nearly dropping it due to how badly she was shaking. This happened every time; fleeting thoughts would cross her mind- you don't have to do this, there's other ways you can let your feelings go, talk to someone instead; but these would be drowned out by the overwhelming sense of sadness and vulnerability that had become a permanent feature of her mind._

 _She brought the cool metal to her thighs and got ready to jerk her hand, just as her music quietened and her phone rang. Connie jumped, frozen for a moment before putting the razor on the side and drying her hands._

 _"_ _Hello?" She pretended to cough as to mask the shakiness of her voice._

 _"_ _Connie? It's Charlie."_

 _"_ _Oh, hello." She replied, sitting on the side of her bath tub as to not splash her phone._

 _"_ _There's been a major fire at St James' ED and we're getting all their urgent cases. We need you in."_

 _"_ _But I only got home about 15 minutes ago!" The brunette protested, looking down at herself. "Plus I've just gotten in the shower. Can't you ask someone else?"_

 _"_ _I'm calling everyone, we need all hands on deck."_

 _"_ _I'm not walking again its freezing out there."_

 _"_ _Then I'll pick you up. 10 minutes?"_

 _Connie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine, whatever."_

 _With her final comment she ended the call, groaning out loud as she turned off the water and got out. On one hand this was a blessing in disguise; she hadn't drawn any blood. But on the other hand, it was just adding more fuel to the fire…_

…

Rita was just about to take the first gulp of her vodka when her phone rang. That too was Charlie and she internally cursed herself for not walking home fast enough. He offered to come pick her up as she too had no car, and she had to accept. The small blonde poured the clear liquid back into the bottle and hit it under the sink, just as there was a loud beep of a horn from outside.

She bundled herself up and went out to the car, struggling to see through the falling snow that was slowly getting heavier.

"Sorry Charlie but I wasn't going to walk in this-" The nurse stopped as she caught sight of who sat in the front. Connie was looking straight ahead, her face blank and posture unreadable. Rita blinked a few times.

"Don't you have a car?" She asked, climbing in and clipping her seatbelt in as Charlie set off.

"It's in the garage." She replied, voice flat. The woman raised her eyes and leant against the window.

It was going to be one _long_ evening.


End file.
